I love dill pickles. Pickles on sandwiches, burgers, or just plain. They're great. And ranch is a fantastic condiment. And, yes, that is light ranch. That's just how I roll. Why would I bring up these two purchases in particular? Oh, no reason. No reason at all.
Also, the other night while at a birthday party for a good friend I was told by another friend, Hoover, who is a reader that I was slacking on the whole blog thing. Which is true. But then later I was told that all the songs I mentioned in this post "sucked".
Nevermind that musical taste is a completely subjective thing and obviously varies wildly from one person to another. They "sucked." Now, normally, I'd have come up with a sharp rejoinder but I think I was distracted by the very drunk birthday boy groping at my crotch, unlatching my belt and attempting to remove my pants. Why was he doing this? Well, yes, he WAS told by his sister and by me that his birthday present was in my pants. And yes, it was a blatant attempt to make a funny double entendre (I'd like to double HER entendre). But what it really meant was just that the hockey tickets she bought him were tucked into the waistband. PANTS REMOVAL NOT NECESSARY.
So, here is the proper response that should have immediately been given in person (I even thought of it soon after the initial conversation, but the moment had passed and it would have been out of place). I will be DAMNED if I am going to listen to any musical criticism from someone whose favorite band is HOOTIE & THE DAMN BLOWFISH. Yeah, sure, I bought their first album along with most of the entire country. I even bought their second album. And upon listening to it, realized that I had just paid a second time for the same damn album that I already had! And I just read something about how the singer gets annoyed when people refer to him as "Hootie". Hey genius! When you give your band the ridiculous name of Hootie & The Blowfish and you are the frontman for said band, I think its important that you reconcile yourself with the fact that you are going to be referred to by a lot of people as "Hootie". Get over it. Not everyone is going to get your dumb little inside joke. Don't expect me to take you seriously when the most memorable thing you've ever done is a (admittedly, hilariously bizarre) Burger King commercial!
Seriously, WTF is up is up with that?
Ahhhhhhh. All better now.
Don't worry, his feelings won't be hurt (Hoover, not Hootie). He is strangely impervious to criticism.
4 comments:
I would act annoyed at the blatant mockery, however IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU POSTED ANY BLOG! Just cuz you're all social and popular back in Cols doesn't mean the rest of us are so privileged as to have real life friends!
Funny thing, I just happened to watch that commercial the other day! It a very wonderfully done commercial, it made me go out and buy a Tender crisp bacon cheddar ranch sandwich.
Just so you know, Hootie and Blowfish are the nicknames of 2 of Darius and Mark's (Guitar player) friends. One day they walked into a party and the friends were there. Somebody said, "Hey look, it's Hootie and the Blowfish", and then somebody said that would be a cool band name. That is where the name came from. I do agree, musical taste is different for everybody, I like Hootie and you like crap!
I missed this!
I think I should make my blog's tagline "Pants removal not necessary!"
You guys should have know better than to tell a drunk Fluke that his present was in your pants!
Go HOOTIE!!!
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