Conversation with my coworker who everyday works 6:30 am to 3:00 pm.
Me: Do you find yourself waking up early on the weekend because you get up so early during the week, even if you've stayed up really late?
Coworker: No, not really. Although the 40 to 50 beers probably helps.
Me (nodding): Yeah, I would imagine.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Unintentional Comedy
So, I'm not ashamed to say that I think the funniest part of last night's post might just be contained in the link I posted to the explanation on tornado warnings.
The advice for what to do if you're in a mobile home is awesome.
For every other situation, it gives you several suggestions as to what you should do if you are in an area with a tornado warning. All kinds of options. And it even tells you that if you are in a frame home you definitely shouldn't leave to try to outrun the tornado. But if you're in a mobile home? It has one, single suggestion:
"Leave your mobile home immediately and take shelter elsewhere."
That's it! If there's one thing that years and years of observing the weather has taught us, it's that it is better to be absolutely anywhere else other than a mobile home if there's a tornado. Nothing else needs to be said! Get the hell out and go somewhere else. Anywhere! If you have a windmill, climb to the top of the damn thing because it will STILL be safer than in your trailer.
Really, though, I don't think that this advice is only applicable for when there is a tornado. I sort of have this general rule that I follow that says, "If you find yourself in a mobile home at any time, for any reason, leave immediately and go somewhere else." I think it is good advice.
The advice for what to do if you're in a mobile home is awesome.
For every other situation, it gives you several suggestions as to what you should do if you are in an area with a tornado warning. All kinds of options. And it even tells you that if you are in a frame home you definitely shouldn't leave to try to outrun the tornado. But if you're in a mobile home? It has one, single suggestion:
"Leave your mobile home immediately and take shelter elsewhere."
That's it! If there's one thing that years and years of observing the weather has taught us, it's that it is better to be absolutely anywhere else other than a mobile home if there's a tornado. Nothing else needs to be said! Get the hell out and go somewhere else. Anywhere! If you have a windmill, climb to the top of the damn thing because it will STILL be safer than in your trailer.
Really, though, I don't think that this advice is only applicable for when there is a tornado. I sort of have this general rule that I follow that says, "If you find yourself in a mobile home at any time, for any reason, leave immediately and go somewhere else." I think it is good advice.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
People I'd Like To Punch In The Neck
OK, so I need to do something to get rid of the stink of all the cheese contained in my previous post. Open a window, or something.
How about talking about my favorite coworkers? OK! Sounds like fun!
Let's start out with one I've never met and whose name I don't even know. I don't even know what area she works in and I only see her every once in a while as I walk around the building. Well then, what could possibly make this person noteworthy at all, you might ask? The fact that every time I see her, she's wearing one of these:
Yes, this woman, who by my observation must be in her late 40's or probably 50's, is wearing a hat with a propeller. To work. A government job. Every day. I've never seen her without it. I don't know how she gets away with it. Although, from what I've been told, she's big in the union. So management probably has decided that it would be too much of a hassle to get her to stop looking like a retard.
Yeah, I said it! A retard! Because seriously, what other adults do you see wearing stuff like that? That's right, special people! Go ahead, say it! It's OK to be un-PC. And honestly, even the people who are only mildly "mentally challenged" would probably look at her and say, "Jeez, she looks like a damned retard."
So, who else needs a good punch in the neck? How about the prissy chick who apparently attempts to drown herself in perfume every morning? Yes, dear, I saw you drive into work in your BMW, which I'm VERY sure you can afford on your clerk's salary. Must be nice to have a sugar daddy to buy you all the ridiculously gaudy clothes and jewelry you wear to work. And I'm assuming that huge vats of perfume large enough for you to dip yourself in aren't cheap. That look I get on my face when we pass? That is not a look of desire. That's the look I get right before I throw up. The area in a three feet radius around you is almost completely devoid of oxygen. Please do something about it.
Finally, guy in the cubicle adjacent to mine. He's actually not a bad guy. I like talking to him, he's funny and everything. But he listens to the radio all day. With no headphones. And it's a, and I'm quoting their promo, "classic soul and R&B" station. Fantastic. I get to listen to 8 hours a day of what sounds like large women being strangled. On days when I've taken my mp3 player home to charge and forgotten to bring it back in? Those days just seem to go a little slower. So, despite how nice he is, he still deserves a punch in the neck. Maybe just a tap to the neck. Something to get his attention. Not a crush-your-larynx punch like the previous two.
OK, I should go now. There is some sort of siren blaring outside my window. I think it means I'm supposed to run outside and stare at the sky, right? Next time, I'll be posting from Oz. Goodbye, gentle readers!
How about talking about my favorite coworkers? OK! Sounds like fun!
Let's start out with one I've never met and whose name I don't even know. I don't even know what area she works in and I only see her every once in a while as I walk around the building. Well then, what could possibly make this person noteworthy at all, you might ask? The fact that every time I see her, she's wearing one of these:
Yes, this woman, who by my observation must be in her late 40's or probably 50's, is wearing a hat with a propeller. To work. A government job. Every day. I've never seen her without it. I don't know how she gets away with it. Although, from what I've been told, she's big in the union. So management probably has decided that it would be too much of a hassle to get her to stop looking like a retard.
Yeah, I said it! A retard! Because seriously, what other adults do you see wearing stuff like that? That's right, special people! Go ahead, say it! It's OK to be un-PC. And honestly, even the people who are only mildly "mentally challenged" would probably look at her and say, "Jeez, she looks like a damned retard."
So, who else needs a good punch in the neck? How about the prissy chick who apparently attempts to drown herself in perfume every morning? Yes, dear, I saw you drive into work in your BMW, which I'm VERY sure you can afford on your clerk's salary. Must be nice to have a sugar daddy to buy you all the ridiculously gaudy clothes and jewelry you wear to work. And I'm assuming that huge vats of perfume large enough for you to dip yourself in aren't cheap. That look I get on my face when we pass? That is not a look of desire. That's the look I get right before I throw up. The area in a three feet radius around you is almost completely devoid of oxygen. Please do something about it.
Finally, guy in the cubicle adjacent to mine. He's actually not a bad guy. I like talking to him, he's funny and everything. But he listens to the radio all day. With no headphones. And it's a, and I'm quoting their promo, "classic soul and R&B" station. Fantastic. I get to listen to 8 hours a day of what sounds like large women being strangled. On days when I've taken my mp3 player home to charge and forgotten to bring it back in? Those days just seem to go a little slower. So, despite how nice he is, he still deserves a punch in the neck. Maybe just a tap to the neck. Something to get his attention. Not a crush-your-larynx punch like the previous two.
OK, I should go now. There is some sort of siren blaring outside my window. I think it means I'm supposed to run outside and stare at the sky, right? Next time, I'll be posting from Oz. Goodbye, gentle readers!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Sailing The Seas Of Cheese
Anyone who even knows me remotely knows that am anything but cheesy. I hate cheesy. No, that's not good enough. I loathe cheesy. I hate cheesy movies, I especially hate cheesy commercials. The people who come up with Coke commercials? I want to punch all of them in neck. But I don't know how to write this post without being cheesy. I've been putting this post off for a while now. I'm not sure how to say the things I really want to say so I'm just going to start typing and see what comes out. I'll do my best to keep the cheese to a minimum but if things get a little schmaltzy, I'm not going to fret over it. And you can bite me.
So here goes.
I've been living in the Columbus, Ohio area for 10 years now. I had spent my high school years about 45 minutes east of here and then went out of the country for 2 years. When I came back, my family had moved into the Central Ohio area and I've been here ever since.
Columbus has probably always been a college town. Ohio State University is one of the largest (I think it is currently the largest) colleges in the country. In recent years, Columbus and some Columbusites have worked to try and shed the college town label but at its heart, it is still just that. And seeing that I attend a church congregation made up entirely of single, college-age people, it's only natural that I would make friends with people that have ended up in Columbus for the sole purpose of attending Ohio State (or the purpose of dating and eventually marrying someone who came for the purpose of attending Ohio State). And most of the time, those friends end up leaving the area once their time at Ohio State is done.
Therefore, over the last 10 years, my friendships have come in cycles. I can think of 3 distinct groups of friends that I've had and there have also been small periods of time in between those cycles where I didn't have any real close friends and was somewhat of a hermit. Well, the third cycle has recently ended and not only was it the absolute best of the three, I'm thinking that the probability that a fourth will begin is pretty low. College kids: I keep getting older while they stay the same age.
So, how to properly give tribute to these 3 people who have been so much of my life for the last three or so years? I don't know, that's where I'm having trouble. What did we do all that time that made things so much fun? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And it was everything we thought it could be. So many meals at Chili's that I don't think I'd be able to eat there with anyone else and truly enjoy it. So many late nights watching our favorite TV shows or movies or just staying up talking about global warming or our (mostly Ted's) bathroom habits or whatever else happened to be on anyone's mind at any given moment. We did nothing and I honestly can't think of any other way I'd have rather spent my time. I think I've laughed more with these three people than with anyone else in my life. I've vented more with these three people than with anyone. Really, I've probably just talked more with these three people than I have with anyone. I can't think of anyone else who knows me better.
The concept of marriage frightens me for many reasons but one of the big ones is, how can you be really sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with this one person? I can be a surly bastard and I can be really impatient with people that bore me. How can I be sure that I won't meet someone, get all twittery, fall in love, get married and then five or ten years down the road wake up one day and look at her and realize, holy crap you bore the hell out of me! I don't know, but I do know that I am sure that I would never get bored of having Justin, Shannon, and yes, even Ted as my best friends.
Over the last week or two, I've been thinking about this in the context of family. I love my family. They're one of the reasons I have no desire to leave Columbus. I know that they love me and will support me in just about anything. But at the same time, I love them sort of because I have to love them. They're my family, right? You don't get to choose your family. You're placed down with this group of people that will have a larger effect on you than any other group, for better or for worse. Initially, you have to love them and, if you're lucky, they'll be the kind of people that you will still love when you become old enough that loving them becomes a choice.
But friends? Friends are the people that you get to choose. They're the people that you choose to love. It's totally up to you from the very beginning. You have no obligations to them. If they treat you wrong, you can sever the relationship and have no strings tying you to them in any way. In my mind, there's nothing better than a truly good friend. One that you trust implicitly because you know them and they know you and you know you can. In the first two of those cycles of friends, there was really only one that fit that definition. Someone that I considered to be like a brother. But of this last group? I was lucky or blessed or both in that all three fit that definition completely.
Guys, if I could choose the people that I would be next-door neighbors with for the rest of my life, it'd be you. I'm happy for you for the things you've accomplished and I'm glad you're able to move on to new phases in your lives. But I'm also a little bitter and angry at the universe and more than a little sad that your moving on involves actually moving away from here. I sort of always knew it was coming but the reality of it actually sucks a lot more than I imagined it would.
I miss you guys already. Thanks for letting a bastard like me be your friend.
So here goes.
I've been living in the Columbus, Ohio area for 10 years now. I had spent my high school years about 45 minutes east of here and then went out of the country for 2 years. When I came back, my family had moved into the Central Ohio area and I've been here ever since.
Columbus has probably always been a college town. Ohio State University is one of the largest (I think it is currently the largest) colleges in the country. In recent years, Columbus and some Columbusites have worked to try and shed the college town label but at its heart, it is still just that. And seeing that I attend a church congregation made up entirely of single, college-age people, it's only natural that I would make friends with people that have ended up in Columbus for the sole purpose of attending Ohio State (or the purpose of dating and eventually marrying someone who came for the purpose of attending Ohio State). And most of the time, those friends end up leaving the area once their time at Ohio State is done.
Therefore, over the last 10 years, my friendships have come in cycles. I can think of 3 distinct groups of friends that I've had and there have also been small periods of time in between those cycles where I didn't have any real close friends and was somewhat of a hermit. Well, the third cycle has recently ended and not only was it the absolute best of the three, I'm thinking that the probability that a fourth will begin is pretty low. College kids: I keep getting older while they stay the same age.
So, how to properly give tribute to these 3 people who have been so much of my life for the last three or so years? I don't know, that's where I'm having trouble. What did we do all that time that made things so much fun? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And it was everything we thought it could be. So many meals at Chili's that I don't think I'd be able to eat there with anyone else and truly enjoy it. So many late nights watching our favorite TV shows or movies or just staying up talking about global warming or our (mostly Ted's) bathroom habits or whatever else happened to be on anyone's mind at any given moment. We did nothing and I honestly can't think of any other way I'd have rather spent my time. I think I've laughed more with these three people than with anyone else in my life. I've vented more with these three people than with anyone. Really, I've probably just talked more with these three people than I have with anyone. I can't think of anyone else who knows me better.
The concept of marriage frightens me for many reasons but one of the big ones is, how can you be really sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with this one person? I can be a surly bastard and I can be really impatient with people that bore me. How can I be sure that I won't meet someone, get all twittery, fall in love, get married and then five or ten years down the road wake up one day and look at her and realize, holy crap you bore the hell out of me! I don't know, but I do know that I am sure that I would never get bored of having Justin, Shannon, and yes, even Ted as my best friends.
Over the last week or two, I've been thinking about this in the context of family. I love my family. They're one of the reasons I have no desire to leave Columbus. I know that they love me and will support me in just about anything. But at the same time, I love them sort of because I have to love them. They're my family, right? You don't get to choose your family. You're placed down with this group of people that will have a larger effect on you than any other group, for better or for worse. Initially, you have to love them and, if you're lucky, they'll be the kind of people that you will still love when you become old enough that loving them becomes a choice.
But friends? Friends are the people that you get to choose. They're the people that you choose to love. It's totally up to you from the very beginning. You have no obligations to them. If they treat you wrong, you can sever the relationship and have no strings tying you to them in any way. In my mind, there's nothing better than a truly good friend. One that you trust implicitly because you know them and they know you and you know you can. In the first two of those cycles of friends, there was really only one that fit that definition. Someone that I considered to be like a brother. But of this last group? I was lucky or blessed or both in that all three fit that definition completely.
Guys, if I could choose the people that I would be next-door neighbors with for the rest of my life, it'd be you. I'm happy for you for the things you've accomplished and I'm glad you're able to move on to new phases in your lives. But I'm also a little bitter and angry at the universe and more than a little sad that your moving on involves actually moving away from here. I sort of always knew it was coming but the reality of it actually sucks a lot more than I imagined it would.
I miss you guys already. Thanks for letting a bastard like me be your friend.
Friday, June 13, 2008
The Throne
Confession: I have played Tetris on my phone while sitting on the toilet at work.
Bigger confession: I recently did the same thing at home...in my own bathroom.
Stop looking at me like that, interweb.
Come on. It was one of those times when I just needed to sit there a while and make sure the job was totally finished. Don't tell me it's never happened to you. You just gotta make sure there aren't going to be any fashionably late arrivals to the party. There's nothing worse than pulling your pants up (or putting your pants back on, if you're Ted) and walking away from the toilet only to realize you have to head right back and sit down again. Right?
RIGHT?
Bigger confession: I recently did the same thing at home...in my own bathroom.
Stop looking at me like that, interweb.
Come on. It was one of those times when I just needed to sit there a while and make sure the job was totally finished. Don't tell me it's never happened to you. You just gotta make sure there aren't going to be any fashionably late arrivals to the party. There's nothing worse than pulling your pants up (or putting your pants back on, if you're Ted) and walking away from the toilet only to realize you have to head right back and sit down again. Right?
RIGHT?
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Endorsement
I have no intention of this becoming a blog where I regularly review television shows or movies. There are plenty of other places for that in the vastness of the interweb. But there is one thing I do want to share with whoever the hell is reading this, if anyone. I suppose I feel a sort of responsibility to tell everyone I know about this particular television show.
By way of some brief background, back in the 90's there was a show on NBC called Homicide: Life On The Street. It was, at its core, a cop show. Set in Baltimore, it featured a large ensemble cast that changed quite a bit over its seven season run. It was dark, it was gritty, it was real. It was chosen by Time's tv writer was one of the best 100 shows of all time. And it became my favorite show and remains one of my favorite shows to this day.
It was based on a book by a former Baltimore newspaperman named David Simon. I loved the show so much that I committed his name to memory and assumed that pretty much anything he ever did would be genius.
A few years ago I began hearing and reading things about a show on HBO called The Wire. After hearing enough praise, I did some hunting and, lo and behold, it was created, produced and written by the very same David Simon. I immediately set about acquiring the show so that I could test my theory about the man's genius. I was not proven wrong.
The Wire is very similar to Homicide. Large, ensemble cast. Set in Baltimore. Largely revolves around the Baltimore Police Department. But it is much more than a simple cop show. It is a show about bureaucracy, politics, education, the drug war, the working class, the media and more. It is the most realistic television show I've ever seen. And I believe it is one of the most important, if not THE most important shows to ever air on television. If that is hyperbole, I think it's only slight. In the same way that I believe Schindler's List should be required viewing for anyone undertaking even a cursory study of World War II and the Holocaust, I believe that The Wire, along with the movie Traffic, should be required viewing for anyone who wishes to discuss how crime is fought and specifically the war on drugs. I don't want to get preachy, but any preconceptions I had about the hopelessness of the lower class and their ability to improve their situation were completely changed after watching this show, along with many other opinions I held about a myriad of topics.
Let me give a couple of caveats. The Wire is not an easy show to watch. You absolutely have to give it 3 or 4 episodes before you start to feel comfortable with everything going on and putting names to all the faces. The cast is so large and the show takes so little time for character introduction that it can be confusing and overwhelming. Give it time. I would recommend watching it in blocks of 2 or 3 episodes at a time. And don't try to watch it while doing other things. You have to pay attention. Stick with it. Also keep in mind that this was an HBO show and, as such, is very 'R' rated. But if you think life in inner city Baltimore ( or inner city anywhere) isn't 'R' rated, you go stick your head back in the sand.
The Sopranos is another HBO show that aired partly during the same period and got much more attention and praise. Having watched both, I believe The Wire is the superior show, by far. If you get through the first season and don't agree that it is an amazing show, then I have serious questions about your taste and judgment and we're going to have a long talk about whether or not we can continue being friends. Season 4 is an absolute masterpiece of storytelling.
So, go. Watch it. And enjoy it. Not only is it a fantastic show as far as social commentary and the lessons it teaches, but it is just an all around good show. Great writing, acting, extremely well done. A+ entertainment.
By way of some brief background, back in the 90's there was a show on NBC called Homicide: Life On The Street. It was, at its core, a cop show. Set in Baltimore, it featured a large ensemble cast that changed quite a bit over its seven season run. It was dark, it was gritty, it was real. It was chosen by Time's tv writer was one of the best 100 shows of all time. And it became my favorite show and remains one of my favorite shows to this day.
It was based on a book by a former Baltimore newspaperman named David Simon. I loved the show so much that I committed his name to memory and assumed that pretty much anything he ever did would be genius.
A few years ago I began hearing and reading things about a show on HBO called The Wire. After hearing enough praise, I did some hunting and, lo and behold, it was created, produced and written by the very same David Simon. I immediately set about acquiring the show so that I could test my theory about the man's genius. I was not proven wrong.
The Wire is very similar to Homicide. Large, ensemble cast. Set in Baltimore. Largely revolves around the Baltimore Police Department. But it is much more than a simple cop show. It is a show about bureaucracy, politics, education, the drug war, the working class, the media and more. It is the most realistic television show I've ever seen. And I believe it is one of the most important, if not THE most important shows to ever air on television. If that is hyperbole, I think it's only slight. In the same way that I believe Schindler's List should be required viewing for anyone undertaking even a cursory study of World War II and the Holocaust, I believe that The Wire, along with the movie Traffic, should be required viewing for anyone who wishes to discuss how crime is fought and specifically the war on drugs. I don't want to get preachy, but any preconceptions I had about the hopelessness of the lower class and their ability to improve their situation were completely changed after watching this show, along with many other opinions I held about a myriad of topics.
Let me give a couple of caveats. The Wire is not an easy show to watch. You absolutely have to give it 3 or 4 episodes before you start to feel comfortable with everything going on and putting names to all the faces. The cast is so large and the show takes so little time for character introduction that it can be confusing and overwhelming. Give it time. I would recommend watching it in blocks of 2 or 3 episodes at a time. And don't try to watch it while doing other things. You have to pay attention. Stick with it. Also keep in mind that this was an HBO show and, as such, is very 'R' rated. But if you think life in inner city Baltimore ( or inner city anywhere) isn't 'R' rated, you go stick your head back in the sand.
The Sopranos is another HBO show that aired partly during the same period and got much more attention and praise. Having watched both, I believe The Wire is the superior show, by far. If you get through the first season and don't agree that it is an amazing show, then I have serious questions about your taste and judgment and we're going to have a long talk about whether or not we can continue being friends. Season 4 is an absolute masterpiece of storytelling.
So, go. Watch it. And enjoy it. Not only is it a fantastic show as far as social commentary and the lessons it teaches, but it is just an all around good show. Great writing, acting, extremely well done. A+ entertainment.
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