People I'd Like To Punch In The Neck

OK, so I need to do something to get rid of the stink of all the cheese contained in my previous post. Open a window, or something.

How about talking about my favorite coworkers? OK! Sounds like fun!

Let's start out with one I've never met and whose name I don't even know. I don't even know what area she works in and I only see her every once in a while as I walk around the building. Well then, what could possibly make this person noteworthy at all, you might ask? The fact that every time I see her, she's wearing one of these:


Yes, this woman, who by my observation must be in her late 40's or probably 50's, is wearing a hat with a propeller. To work. A government job. Every day. I've never seen her without it. I don't know how she gets away with it. Although, from what I've been told, she's big in the union. So management probably has decided that it would be too much of a hassle to get her to stop looking like a retard.

Yeah, I said it! A retard! Because seriously, what other adults do you see wearing stuff like that? That's right, special people! Go ahead, say it! It's OK to be un-PC. And honestly, even the people who are only mildly "mentally challenged" would probably look at her and say, "Jeez, she looks like a damned retard."

So, who else needs a good punch in the neck? How about the prissy chick who apparently attempts to drown herself in perfume every morning? Yes, dear, I saw you drive into work in your BMW, which I'm VERY sure you can afford on your clerk's salary. Must be nice to have a sugar daddy to buy you all the ridiculously gaudy clothes and jewelry you wear to work. And I'm assuming that huge vats of perfume large enough for you to dip yourself in aren't cheap. That look I get on my face when we pass? That is not a look of desire. That's the look I get right before I throw up. The area in a three feet radius around you is almost completely devoid of oxygen. Please do something about it.

Finally, guy in the cubicle adjacent to mine. He's actually not a bad guy. I like talking to him, he's funny and everything. But he listens to the radio all day. With no headphones. And it's a, and I'm quoting their promo, "classic soul and R&B" station. Fantastic. I get to listen to 8 hours a day of what sounds like large women being strangled. On days when I've taken my mp3 player home to charge and forgotten to bring it back in? Those days just seem to go a little slower. So, despite how nice he is, he still deserves a punch in the neck. Maybe just a tap to the neck. Something to get his attention. Not a crush-your-larynx punch like the previous two.

OK, I should go now. There is some sort of siren blaring outside my window. I think it means I'm supposed to run outside and stare at the sky, right? Next time, I'll be posting from Oz. Goodbye, gentle readers!