mommy omg im retrded

Since the title of this blog is currently "Things I Hate", I figure I should make a post about something I hate, no?

Sidebar: The title of the blog is currently up for debate. I'll consider all suggestions. "The Angry Mormon" is one I've tossed around in my head. I think it fits. I don't know. Like I said, suggestions are welcome.

Anyway, back to the hating.

You may or may not be aware of this story. If not, skim it real quick. It's actually pretty cool. Amazing that the girl was able to hide under her blanket while a burglar sat on the bed right next to her. And I love that the mom just drove up and rammed their car.

But the one thing that really stood out to me in this story (and this is probably pretty insightful as to my personality) wasn't the impressive acts of this mother and daughter. No, no. It was the horrific text message that this girl sent to her mother to inform her that thieves were in their home while she was alone sick.

"Mommy omg im scard i thnk were being robd im hiding help me!"

Do you have these certain things that just make you inordinately angry? Like, the severity of your reaction is way, way, WAY above and beyond the severity of the actual offense? I do. In fact, I have a LOT of those things. That's...sort of the point of this blog.

I feel like the eighty year old man on his front porch yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn when I say this. But texting and instant messaging shorthand makes me INSANE. Punch-someone-in-the-neck insane. I can't stand it. There is absolutely no good reason why a person can't take the extra split second it takes to hit the damn period key. Improper punctuation and spelling are the bane of my existence in the electronic world. I'm not talking about the occasional typo. That happens. (Had to throw that in there in case I make a typo in this post). I'm talking about the shortening of words into absolute gibberish. "Ur" does not equal "your" or even "you're". It never has and it never will.

I know what you're going to say next. "But shortening words lets me text faster and that's important at certain times...like when I'm driving!"

My response is this: Stop texting while you're driving, you damn jackass! Is that going to be your excuse when you end up t-boning me at some intersection and turn me into a quadriplegic? I swear, if I see someone texting while driving I want to run them into a bridge abutment.

If I had gotten a text like that from my daughter that our house was being robbed, I'm pretty certain my only response would have been, "I'm sorry, was that English? You're what? We're being what? Is that all one sentence?"

I'm not kidding. If one of my kids sent me a text or instant message that said:

"omg dad! i need ur help i took sum heroin im supr sic i need sum1 2 take me 2 the hosptl!!!11"

I'm pretty sure I'd be way more pissed off about the formatting of the message than the actual content. I think my response would be something along the lines of, "Sorry, kid. I'd love to help but I'm afraid that I'm not fluent in moron."



As I prepare to post this, the thought occurs to me that I'm getting ready to tell a bunch of my friends about something that is immensely annoying to me, some of whom have my phone number and are capable of sending me text messages. Do I really want to do this? Oh, well.